when the clock strikes crazy

have you ever done something overwhelmingly insane that you made a pact with yourself never to do it again? or at least not tell anyone you've done it... again and again.

i did... several times after i promised myself and some people who knows and cares for me never to do it again. it was 3 o'clock in the morning, i was waiting for the clock to strike 4 so i can prepare for work when the seductive thought of it came embracing my body so rigorously. it's like an old flame i left a long time ago without the capability to move on. honestly, i missed the sense of reality that it gives me but the extreme feeling of guilt just came pouring down like raging waters on a silent stream. it seems like a trance i am so afraid and at the same time excited to go through.

that day, i went to work with a broken smile on my face. nobody noticed. nobody saw the leftovers of the emotional ordeal i was going through. but before the day end and the clock strikes like crazy, i confessed the act to that one person who i knew would be angriest among them all. he was mad. like hell.

i promised never to do it again. my God, help me remember these promises.

You Don't Know Me - Ben Folds & Regina Spektor

I heard this song earlier on Miss Jeanie Derillo's friendster profile. It automatically plays on once you visit her page and the first couple of beats already had me scrolling down to see the title of the song on her playlist. It is like a song hollowed out from the 90s. I also like the harmony between the two artists (Ben Folds & Regina Spektor). Take time to listen to the song along with the lyrics. I guess I'll be experiencing the last song syndrome for a couple of days or weeks.




You Don't Know Me Lyrics

I wanna ask you
Do you ever sit and wonder,
It's so strange
That we could be together for
So long, and never know, never care
What goes on in the other one's head?

Things I've felt but I've never said
You said things that I never said
So I'll say something that I should have said long ago:

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

You could have just propped me up on the table like a mannequin
Or a cardboard stand-up and paint me (paint me anything)
Any face that you wanted me
To be seen.
We're
Damned by the existential moment where
We saw the couple in the coma and
It was we were the cliché,
But we carried on anyway.

So, sure, I could just close my eyes.
Yeah, sure, trace and memorize,
But can you go back once you know

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me

If I'm the person that you think I am (Ah ah ahh)
Clueless chump you seem to think I am (Ah ah ahhh)
So easily led astray,
An errant dog who occasionally escapes and needs a shorter leash, then
Why the fuck would you want me back?!

Maybe it's because

(You don't know me at all)

Ahhh ah
Ahhh ah

(You don't know me,
you don't know me.)

Ahhh ah
Ahhh ah

So, what I'm trying to say is
What (What?)
I'm trying to tell you
It's not gonna come out like I wanna say it cause I know you'll only change it.
(Say it.)

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

What?

(Mmmm, ohh oh
Ah ah ah ah ah
Aha ah ah ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Aha ah
Ah ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Oh-oh-oh-oh oh ohh)

lyrics from 6lyrics.com

an argument about a rotten reality...

I initiated an argument with Lance last week. It revolved around my accusation of him being "unpressured" because he is still currently reviewing for the board exams. I insisted that he is unable to understand my frustrations and worries because he is not compelled yet to find a job. He appeared very positive and patient with everything despite the numerous rotten possibilities that he could fail the board exams and his father could retire anytime soon. Writing that sentence just made me realize how foolish and envious my accusations are. I could not have been clearer in emphasizing the fact that I am working and he is not. So when he retorted that I could not just see and imagine the pressure that his course (Mechanical Engineering) and upcoming board exams have on him, I bombarded him with my thoughtless claims that "school pressure" and "work pressure plus the discovery of the real rotten world" are two different things. He told me that I know nothing of his current academic ordeals and worries about his future to which I responded that I am more than willing to have our situations switched and go to school than to face this dreary place they call reality.

The heated argument gradually turned melancholic when we finally realized how we are both displeased and frustrated in different ways. I succumbed to the poignant truth that facing reality without teachers and a second home is far more difficult than I have imagined. I have always been the adventurous type of person who loves to encounter challenges and experience unfamiliar things; however, this past months have revealed far too many unfamiliar yet disturbing realities about the world and its people. I discovered how all these years I have viewed the world with naiveté by constantly believing that there is a certain goodness in everyone's heart. Nonetheless, the new encounters and meetings with strangers proved how selfishness and conceit can topple that goodness aside. I told Lance how the world looks much different on this side than on his and wondered if he would catch a glimpse of this place in my type of point of view. Sometimes I doubt it though I am quite sure he would. He has always been the stronger and optimistic one--a dramatic foil to my character. His judgments has always been more accurate than mine. I guess he already had an image of this place before I had the chance to encounter it. He is always like that anyway--knowing things and keeping it hidden until time demands its revelation.

Of course, we made up after an hour of arguing. We have always enjoyed arguments, though. Arguing gives us the chance to speak what's on our mind without being overly sensitive with each other's feelings. I guess that is why we always end up fighting especially when the subject is related to religion and Jude Law. Nevertheless, our argument about reality is one of the most remarkable ones because we end up agreeing (which seldom happens) and sympathetic with each other.

Pinoy Vocabulary - Forwarded Email

Hahaha di talaga ko nagppost ng emails kaso badtrip tong post na to. Sobrang tahimik akong natawa dito sa office. Naalala ko tuloy ang laughing trip namin ni Randolf at Sabrina sa Call Center Fundamentals class namin! Hahahahaha!

Pinoy Vocabulary

KUNTIL - sobrang balat sa tenga
SMAKATUM - dumi sa tenga
SPRIKITIK - libag na naipon sa relo
KUYUKOT - tumbong
ASOGUE - buhok sa kili-kili
JABONGGA - sex
MULMUL - buhok sa gitna ng isang nunal
BAKTOL - ikatlong lebel ng mabahong amoy sa kili-kili
BARNAKOL - maitim na libag sa batok na naipon ng matagal na panahon
KABOODLE - kulangot
TUKNENENG - boiled quail eggs and fried with orange flour
KWEK KWEK - bigger version ng tukneneng
WENEKLEK - buhok sa utong
KALAMANTUTAY - mabahong pangalan
TONENG - sex
BAKTUNG - bakat utong
BAKTI - bakat panty
NGOTNGOT - spiral cord sa phone
PAKAPLOG - pinoy breakfast: pandesal, kape, itlog
TARUGO - maitim na ari
APIPAK - 2-4 na buhok na matatagpuan sa ibabaw ng hinlalaking
daliri sa paa
BUTUYTUY - pagkalalaki ng isang bata
TANGBURUROT - pururot na tae
PASAS - utong ng lola
KUKURIKAPU - libag sa ilalim ng boobs
URMOT - matubig na tae
TRIPOKTIK - huling droplets ng ihi
PUYUKOT - maliliit / mabibilog na piraso ng tae
TUBOL - malalaking piraso ng tae
BURNIK - taeng sumabit sa buhok ng pwet
BURIS - matubig na tae / parang gripo ang pwet
BULTOKATSI - tubig na tumatalsik sa pwet kapag nalaglag ang isang
malaking ebak