The Bridal Shower

I have never been to bridal showers. Last Sunday was my first taste of an all-girls (naughty) slumber party. I am, of course, not the naughty type so I kind of slightly panicked when my friend Sab and Vergic informed me about the "porn star" theme of our surprise bridal shower for a college friend, Ivy. First off, I do not own any belongings you can consider pornographic. I'm really trying hard to get away from those. Wait, lemme think again... Haha! So, thanks to Nicole Kidman's style in Eyes Wide Shut, I was able to bring a long-sleeved polo. Unfortunately, an insane photographer friend named Mads forced me out of my long-sleeves and obliged me to wear a black spaghetti-strapped dress. It was quite a nightmare to wear 'cause I could see fats bulging out of the dress everytime I look at the mirror. I also could not contend with my friends. Hell, they've got the nicest curves.

I had so much fun that night. I always have fun spending time with the DreamTeam (a group of friends from college) but this time the party was exclusive for girls. Unsurprisingly, I screwed up the surprise due to my stupidity. I was hastily putting away gadgets from the table (while Sab, Irene and Marthina were already hiding on their own as a part of the preparation to surprise Ivy) when the door was opened by Vergic, Ivy and Ara. I panicked and stupidly attempted to salvage the situation by covering myself with a varnished chair. It was really stupid 'cause I was still trying to hide pathetically when the lights were finally turned on.

The party started with several narcissistic activities like recording ourselves while singing and dancing in front of my laptop's webcam. We actually looked like hyenas trying to lip-sync the songs playing on Ara's iPod. I guess this is the product of being left by ourselves without any boyfriends in sight. I was dancing and singing like crazy I didn't even care that I was not that close to Ivy during our college days and it might actually be the first time she had seen me behave like that. I didn't really care about what people would say that night. I was having the time of my life and I have never felt so free just exhausting myself like that.

The night was unbelievable. It started with games organized by Sab such as "Pinoy Henyo", charades and the infamous clay-molding. I could not stop myself from enjoying so much that I have completely forgotten every external factor which has been bothering me lately. The night was naughty, yes, but nobody ever talked about sex. Nobody ever asked who's done it or with whom. It was a crazy night but I must say, it was still a wholesome celebration. I'm not sure how my other friends define "wholesome" but I really believed we were sexy that night in a very wholesome way. :-)At first, I was quite hesitant how to behave because Ivy and I never really hang out back in college. We have lots of common friends but never really had the chance to get to know each other so I was kind of surprised that she was actually very fun and easy to hang out with. I am very happy about her getting married. I heard the groom-to-be is a very spiritual and good-hearted man.Hence, the celebration made me wonder who among my friends would get hitched next. I'm positive it won't be me so it's either Gervic or Marthina. Hahaha just a dumb inside joke! I realized that we're not getting any younger. Sooner or later, our "get togethers" would gradually include lesser attendees. Maybe Sab or Mads would be next in the wedding lane. I don't know. All I know is that I should be ready when that day comes. I have to start taking my life seriously and stop procrastinating like a spoiled brat. I will not be able to just text Irene or walk Me-an into a corner to tell her my frustrations. Sooner or later, we would all be having our different lives. I will not be able to ask Vergic out anytime or chat with Ara about our recent ramblings. I will not be able to debate with Sab about current events or joke around with Marthina. Holy crap, I'm such a worried freak. I just can't help but imagine how it would all turn out after many years. It's really hard when you become emotionally-attached too much with people. You tend to be sensitive with regard to these kinds of issues or maybe it's just me.

What the heck, this bridal shower has more purpose in my life than I have expected. It wasn't just a fun and extraordinary night. It's a night to remember and to be pondered upon. Now, it's time to sigh...

I'm getting worse each day

Last week, while unwittingly consuming carbon monoxide during our 30-minute ride from Binan to San Pedro, Laguna, Lance and I engaged into a reflective conversation which led us into agreeing how our current life activities seemed to have become unproductive and "unlike us". I haven't been coming to work on time for the past 2 months. I'm always late and I'm afraid I have consumed most of my sick leaves for the last year to cater my nocturnal habits and idiosyncrasies. I'm reaching my work quota, though, despite my numerous "undertimes" and tardiness. I also tried going to work on Sundays to make up for my half days during Tuesdays and Wednesdays because of graduate school. I'm really trying, you know. However, each day at work seemed to be dragging me down into being a lowlife. School, friends, Lance, pets, and home are the only elements of excitement in my life right now. I'm afraid I'm becoming someone I have always sworn never to be--a slob.

In our conversation, I reluctantly swallowed my pride and told Lance, "lagi ko naiisip... hindi kaya lahat ng kine-claim ko sa sarili ko puro front lang para ma-establish ko identity ko sa iba." (I've always been thinking. . . is it possible that everything I claim myself to be is merely a front to establish my identity to others?). I was looking far ahead of me avoiding his eyes. I was afraid his eyes would agree. He didn't say anything at once so I decided to elaborate more (still not looking at him).

"Lagi ko sinasabi mahilig ako magsulat. Hindi na nga ako halos nakakasulat sa journal ko, ng stories ko. Laging 'di natatapos. Sabi ko mahilig ako magbasa eh yung huling librong binili ko di ko pa natapos." (I always say I love to write. I haven't been writing on my journal. . . I can't even finish my stories. I said I love reading but I didn't even get to finish the last book I've bought.)

"Tinatamad ka na kasi, mahal." (Because you're becoming lazy). He softly responded. I was so ready for his answer that I almost nodded in agreement simultaneously. Then he shared that he, too, is having the same dilemma. He enjoys freehand drawing so much and actually has the time to perform them but he would just end up playing in Facebook or watching his favorite anime. We're both afraid that we'll lose the skills if we continue on tolerating our procrastinating habits. It's like we're having some extreme “mental block” which is severely affecting our productivity. This is why Paulo Coelho's tweet about routine is very timely for me, “Don't allow routine to transform you in[to] someone you're not.”

Indeed, I am transforming into someone I hate to be. I want to go back to my old self who always finds the minutest light in the darkest places. I know I may not be making any sense. Work is draining me--the nature of it and the management which poorly handles it. It sounds bad to blame the very reason why I am enjoying graduate school but I can't help it. So, before I start on ranting and complaining about work, I'd better publish this one and start believing again that everything will soon be alright.

high school never ends

I had a really great time last Sunday with my friends back in high school. Actually, they are friends since junior year and we call our group Tropang Group One or (TG1) because our friendship was established when our Home Economics professor asked us to group ourselves. The ten of us ended up together for the rest of the junior year. I must admit, a great deal of things have changed. It doesn't surprise me that we still go back to our stories back in high school over and over again. I always had fun reading their letters to me every time I scan my letterbox and reminding them on meetings of their mushiness back in high school. We would always bring up topics about past crushes and teasing each other who was crazy over who, who cried over what, and who defecated where. I guess it's normal since there have been new sets of friends, all we could do is tell stories which everyone can relate to. I had so much fun spending time with them listening to their stories and discovering how much of a changed person some of my friends are. However, it was just kind of sad to think that I have stories that I couldn't tell. Well, the closest person whom I could talk to about my recent endeavours would be Mon since he still belonged to my sets of college friends. For others, though, I had to spend a full 30 minutes with each one of them just so I could be updated with his or her current endeavours. Of course, it was not enough. I have missed a lot of my friends' stories and vice versa which I find quite frustrating. There are a lot of things I want to share but some gap is restricting me to do so.

Then I realized this is how high school goes. We have different lives now. Back in high school, all we talk about were family problems, crushes, teachers, fellow classmates, and other superficial issues like how the star section was more prioritized than us, academically mediocre but extremely interesting students. Not that I think the students from the star section were boring. I just think the lower, non-prioritized, and underestimated sections have more fun and interesting stories to tell. We've got more humiliating stories to reveal and hilarious moments to share. Don't fret. It's merely my own self-absorbed opinion. Going back, I realized I should feel fortunate that I still have the chance to spend time with my old friends and at the same time meet new friends in the persona of old classmates and batchmates whom I never really got the chance to hang out with before.

I guess we'll really never know how our friendship would end up in the future. Who would still be regularly present on get-togethers? Who would introduce a new boyfriend or girlfriend? Or even the simple question of "Are we all going to stay friends forever?" Of course, we are. Our friendship was founded not only on laughters but also on heartbreaking experiences and numerous fights. I even wrote a chic-lit type of story about our group in 3rd year which unfortunately I did not have the chance to finish (some of them have read it and encouraged me to finish it until our high school graduation). Nonetheless, I wish I could tell them more about how my life has changed too--tell them more than just lovelife issues or recent high school gossips. I guess I'll just have to wait 'til the invisible communication gap will be filled with more time with them. I guess I just missed them so much.

How Ondoy Showed the True Nature of Filipinos

My family are one of those fortunate people who were spared by the horrors of the Tropical Storm Ondoy which hit the country last Saturday and left hundreds of people dead and thousands homeless. We reside in San Pedro, Laguna which is actually included in the list of areas which are immensely affected. However, our home is located somewhere at the topmost area of the town near GMA, Cavite so flooding is never a problem with us. Though, my father was supposed to go back to Saudi Arabia to finish his contract as a Chef but the storm prevented him to do so. It was one of the good things that came out of Ondoy--Papa decided to work here in the Philippines after 15 years of working abroad.

My family and I have been tuning in to the local news to get updates about the calamity. Our relatives in Marikina are among the victims of the great flood. They lost every material thing they possessed including this very huge house in Brgy. Banaba and a brand new car. Of course, our family including our cousins and aunts here in Laguna reached out to them to send help. Yes, this is a very trying time for the Filipinos and it feels good to see our fellow countrymen helping out. Watching the news is very depressing. I did shed some tears when I saw a mother sobbing while saying how she lost all of her kids and still missing one. I cried at the part when she told a news reporter, "Sana naman buhay pa yung isa para may matira naman sakin... Di ko na alam anung gagawin ko sa sarili ko".

I find it consoling that many famous personalities, celebrities, and politicians donated huge amount of money and relief goods to help out. I also heard about Angel Locsin, Judy Ann Santos, and Ryan Agoncillo getting people out of their roofs without letting the media to cover it. I think it's a very noble act to reach out to people without asking for anything in return. There are a lot of people helping and saving lives. I have read a lot of stories coming from victims themselves where guys who we would normally dismiss as "tambays" saved numerous people from drowning. Seeing and knowing this, I still believe that this country can move forward despite this enormous loss.

However, while watching Unang Hirit earlier this morning, I realized that together with the outpouring of sincere concern from others, there are others who spend their time finding negative motives while some are politicians are busy campaigning. Arnold Clavio, Connie Sison, and Paolo Bediones also discussed about how evacuees would cheat the queues for claiming relief goods by asking each member of the family to join the queue. Others were not able to get their goods because the greedy ones have already doubled theirs. Manny Villar was also said to have donated goods with his campaign logos on the covers. Just an hour ago, I have seen a picture of it from Ara's blog. Then there are the people who are cursing and threatening an OFW named Jacque Bermejo for allegedly posting an offensive status about Ondoy in the Philippines through Facebook and Multiply. I am not certain if she is guilty or not but I think people who are spreading her pictures all over the internet, threatening her, and creating hate pages about her are far too degrading and overacting. It's definitely a violation of her privacy. I feel sorry for the woman even if she truly posted the status herself or not. Then there are the insensitive opportunists who are robbing victims' houses and the evacuees who left too much garbage in a school without even helping out to clean up.

Apparently, extreme times like this brings out the best and worst in people.