high school never ends

I had a really great time last Sunday with my friends back in high school. Actually, they are friends since junior year and we call our group Tropang Group One or (TG1) because our friendship was established when our Home Economics professor asked us to group ourselves. The ten of us ended up together for the rest of the junior year. I must admit, a great deal of things have changed. It doesn't surprise me that we still go back to our stories back in high school over and over again. I always had fun reading their letters to me every time I scan my letterbox and reminding them on meetings of their mushiness back in high school. We would always bring up topics about past crushes and teasing each other who was crazy over who, who cried over what, and who defecated where. I guess it's normal since there have been new sets of friends, all we could do is tell stories which everyone can relate to. I had so much fun spending time with them listening to their stories and discovering how much of a changed person some of my friends are. However, it was just kind of sad to think that I have stories that I couldn't tell. Well, the closest person whom I could talk to about my recent endeavours would be Mon since he still belonged to my sets of college friends. For others, though, I had to spend a full 30 minutes with each one of them just so I could be updated with his or her current endeavours. Of course, it was not enough. I have missed a lot of my friends' stories and vice versa which I find quite frustrating. There are a lot of things I want to share but some gap is restricting me to do so.

Then I realized this is how high school goes. We have different lives now. Back in high school, all we talk about were family problems, crushes, teachers, fellow classmates, and other superficial issues like how the star section was more prioritized than us, academically mediocre but extremely interesting students. Not that I think the students from the star section were boring. I just think the lower, non-prioritized, and underestimated sections have more fun and interesting stories to tell. We've got more humiliating stories to reveal and hilarious moments to share. Don't fret. It's merely my own self-absorbed opinion. Going back, I realized I should feel fortunate that I still have the chance to spend time with my old friends and at the same time meet new friends in the persona of old classmates and batchmates whom I never really got the chance to hang out with before.

I guess we'll really never know how our friendship would end up in the future. Who would still be regularly present on get-togethers? Who would introduce a new boyfriend or girlfriend? Or even the simple question of "Are we all going to stay friends forever?" Of course, we are. Our friendship was founded not only on laughters but also on heartbreaking experiences and numerous fights. I even wrote a chic-lit type of story about our group in 3rd year which unfortunately I did not have the chance to finish (some of them have read it and encouraged me to finish it until our high school graduation). Nonetheless, I wish I could tell them more about how my life has changed too--tell them more than just lovelife issues or recent high school gossips. I guess I'll just have to wait 'til the invisible communication gap will be filled with more time with them. I guess I just missed them so much.

How Ondoy Showed the True Nature of Filipinos

My family are one of those fortunate people who were spared by the horrors of the Tropical Storm Ondoy which hit the country last Saturday and left hundreds of people dead and thousands homeless. We reside in San Pedro, Laguna which is actually included in the list of areas which are immensely affected. However, our home is located somewhere at the topmost area of the town near GMA, Cavite so flooding is never a problem with us. Though, my father was supposed to go back to Saudi Arabia to finish his contract as a Chef but the storm prevented him to do so. It was one of the good things that came out of Ondoy--Papa decided to work here in the Philippines after 15 years of working abroad.

My family and I have been tuning in to the local news to get updates about the calamity. Our relatives in Marikina are among the victims of the great flood. They lost every material thing they possessed including this very huge house in Brgy. Banaba and a brand new car. Of course, our family including our cousins and aunts here in Laguna reached out to them to send help. Yes, this is a very trying time for the Filipinos and it feels good to see our fellow countrymen helping out. Watching the news is very depressing. I did shed some tears when I saw a mother sobbing while saying how she lost all of her kids and still missing one. I cried at the part when she told a news reporter, "Sana naman buhay pa yung isa para may matira naman sakin... Di ko na alam anung gagawin ko sa sarili ko".

I find it consoling that many famous personalities, celebrities, and politicians donated huge amount of money and relief goods to help out. I also heard about Angel Locsin, Judy Ann Santos, and Ryan Agoncillo getting people out of their roofs without letting the media to cover it. I think it's a very noble act to reach out to people without asking for anything in return. There are a lot of people helping and saving lives. I have read a lot of stories coming from victims themselves where guys who we would normally dismiss as "tambays" saved numerous people from drowning. Seeing and knowing this, I still believe that this country can move forward despite this enormous loss.

However, while watching Unang Hirit earlier this morning, I realized that together with the outpouring of sincere concern from others, there are others who spend their time finding negative motives while some are politicians are busy campaigning. Arnold Clavio, Connie Sison, and Paolo Bediones also discussed about how evacuees would cheat the queues for claiming relief goods by asking each member of the family to join the queue. Others were not able to get their goods because the greedy ones have already doubled theirs. Manny Villar was also said to have donated goods with his campaign logos on the covers. Just an hour ago, I have seen a picture of it from Ara's blog. Then there are the people who are cursing and threatening an OFW named Jacque Bermejo for allegedly posting an offensive status about Ondoy in the Philippines through Facebook and Multiply. I am not certain if she is guilty or not but I think people who are spreading her pictures all over the internet, threatening her, and creating hate pages about her are far too degrading and overacting. It's definitely a violation of her privacy. I feel sorry for the woman even if she truly posted the status herself or not. Then there are the insensitive opportunists who are robbing victims' houses and the evacuees who left too much garbage in a school without even helping out to clean up.

Apparently, extreme times like this brings out the best and worst in people.

frustrating goodbyes

Last September 21, I saw my 11-year old cousin, Joanne, sitting quietly on the sofa who seemed to be on the verge of crying. Mama, Papa, AJ, and I were about to leave to go back home to Laguna. Barbara, my other 9-year old cousin was sitting on the staircase staring at us as our family exchange hugs and kisses with my grandmother, aunts and uncles. Joanne and Barbara are AJ's playmates throughout our 2-day stay in Pangasinan. I gave Joanne a warm hug and said goodbye to Barbara. I could just feel Joanne's frustration vibrating on my body as she tried unsuccessfully to cover her sadness with a teary white-toothed smile.

When Jun and I were kids, our whole family would visit our grandparents house in Pangasinan once a year where we would spend about 2 to 4 days strolling around the town and playing with the pigs. It was always the same routine. Upon arriving, we would spend the first few hours ignoring Meljohn, Nineng, and Matong out of shyness. Then after some parental efforts, we would find ourselves enjoying each other's company playing patintero, mataya-taya, tumbang preso, and langit lupa. We also enjoyed fooling around our Tito Eloy's tricycle or Tito Mel's bicycle. I can even remember constantly picking the “S” volume of the encyclopedia to check out pictures of snakes and they would all gather around me to look (though they have seen them all their lives). We would even ask our parents to allow us to sleep together in one room so we could wrestle and scare the hell out of each other's wits. One of the most remarkable moments that I have with them was our beach trip in Bayambang. We kept fighting the huge waves and drowning each other for fun. I was already in college at that time yet I was having the time of my life playing with them on the shore like we always did when we were kids. I actually went home on my wet clothes. I had to go home with a huge towel wrapped around me because I have forgotten to bring the bag where I stuffed my clothes due to utmost excitement. I didn't think it was embarrassing. I actually thought it was fun.

The sad part would always be the time of parting. Just when we were getting all comfortable with each other, we have to say goodbye and end the short vacation. It was frustrating. Yes, I always missed our cousins back in Laguna every time we're in Pangasinan but it wasn't that hard to say goodbye because we knew we would be back in no time. I have always wished we could've had more time with our cousins in Pangasinan. This is why I could just relate to Joanne and Barbara's sadness. All the perkiness faded from them when the clock struck 1:00 am—it's time for the first trip back to Manila. Even AJ has stopped yelling and laughing. I saw the three of them bid each other goodbye but they never hugged or kissed. I wish I could just tell them it's okay and that we would be back next year, anyway. But I just knew how horrible the feeling is knowing that next year, we have to start over again. The next time we visit, we have to adjust again to fill in one year of distance and no communication.

Now, Meljohn, Nineng, Matong don't interact much with Jun and me anymore. I'm not sure if it's one of the side effects of all the abrupt Hi's and Goodbye's in a short period of time. Maybe we all realized that there's no use trying to build something because we are aware that it won't be long until we part again. Or maybe we are just simply growing up and having different lives. I hope it's the latter because I don't want to spoil everything for my sister, Barbara, and Joanne. I have seen how they enjoyed each other's company so much even for only two days. I hope they keep in touch.

first attempt to free verse

(I was waiting for Lance yesterday at Chowking Gil Puyat when I started writing a letter for him to pass the time. I was surprised and frustrated that I didn't have my pile of notepads with me so I wrote on my order receipt instead. It was a small piece of paper. After an hour I had to find another way to keep me busy so I could avoid getting impatient with him for keeping me waiting. I have always enjoyed tissue papers--for writing and wiping. Thanks to the tissue paper for keeping me company for 2 more hours of waiting.)



first attempt to free verse

Would you tell me of the moment
when your heart would stop beating for me?
Or would you just look at me
and let me find the signs?

Would you be cruel and dismiss me
if I try to kiss your lips?
Or would you kiss me still
and let me feel the dryness of it?

Would you stop writing love letters
when I send you one out of love?
Or would you respond with poetries
but hopes they're for somebody else?

Would you refuse my hand
if I ask you to dance?
Or would you sweep me off my feet
without the old and rhythmic beat?

How will I lose your heart?
Tell me all about it.
For now, everything looks perfect.
Everything seems woven to fit.

But What About Tomorrow?
How would I know
when you've finally given up
and gotten tired of me?

I'm asking all the wrong questions
'cause I have fears that you don't see.
But I know, you'll just tell me to have faith
that no matter what;
this is the Love Story God made For You and Me.

© Claudine F. Claudio

(OO NA CHEESY NA KUNG CHEESY!)